Writing Haters - This Post is Dedicated to You
A lot of adults hate writing.
I know this because I’ve taught family writing classes since 1989. When parents realize they will be writing alongside their children, I see panic in their eyes. Not kidding. Terror with a capital T. “Ah, Mrs. Tom, I didn’t know I’d be writing, too. I thought it was just for kids.”
Lucky for me, many parents are too busy to read the fine print. Plus, once they’ve arrived, kids know how to work their parents like pros. Bobby flashes his puppy dog eyes, looks up at his dad (who is exhausted from a long day at work and barely had enough time to scarf down a Taco Bell bean burrito before class started), and Papa knows he can’t escape to Starbucks until class is over.
I assure everyone I’ll be gentle. I tell them writing together will not be painful, but a joyful journey of discovery. And it is. After Family of Writers ends, it’s not uncommon to hear feedback like, “Writing can be fun. Who knew?” and “You’d never guess who can write!”
I know writing fear is a real thing, but I also know parents overcome that fear because they want their kids to have a different relationship with writing.
Parents know writing is one of the best tools their kids can use for making sense of life. They know it’s a skill their kids need to succeed in a world that’s increasingly online and in print. That’s why they show up to my classes after long days when they’d rather be home sipping Pinot Grigio and watching Bravo TV.
So if you want to be a writing lover, here’s the best advice I’ve got.
Don’t turn yourself into a writing teacher. Teachery stuff works great with NOT YOUR OWN kids. Let the teachers do their teaching thing with NOT THEIR OWN KIDS even if your kid’s writing teacher is horrible.
I know that sounds like crazy advice, but the best thing you can do for your kids’ writing lives is show them what a healthy approach to writing looks like with YOUR OWN writing. It starts with controlling what you can control.
My mission is to give you the tools you’ll need to live a writing life, and those tools will be simple and expedient for busy lives. Promise. I want you to keep writing for the rest of your life. I want your kids to keep writing for the rest of their lives. Every piece of content on this site serves that mission.
But, before we go any further, there’s one thing you need to know.
It’s Mrs. Tom’s full disclosure moment. Are you ready? Here goes.
Everyone can be a writer.
Every person I've taught has heard me say this, and I’ll keep saying it until there are no words left to say.
Everyone can be a writer.
It’s not about getting A’s on grammar tests. It’s not about getting 100% on Friday spelling tests. It’s not about using thesaurus words and fancy metaphors. The recipe for being a writer is simple:
1. Be a human.
2. Pay attention to the moments of your life, or learn about something that interests you.
3. Pick one or more of those moments or things.
4. Put what you think about those moments or things on a page. Use your words.
5. Repeat.
It’s about making meaning on a page with words. That’s it. It’s such a human thing, and all of us can do it.
Notice I didn't shake my finger and say, "You better to it well. You better not make any mistakes." Nope. It's the doing it that's key.
The only differences between you and writers who get paid and awarded Pulitzer Prizes and invited to chat with Oprah are grounded in simple actions:
1. They put words on pages exponentially more often than most of us.
2. They share their writing with kindred humans. They have conversations with those trusted humans. Those conversations lead to awesome revisions.
3. And the big, big, biggie of them all – they know that crummy writing leads to yowza writing. Crummy writing doesn’t make them have an existential crisis and quit. Quite the opposite. They expect crummy writing like they expect the sun to rise in the morning. It’s part of the process.
Writers, give yourself some grace.
“In short, fear of badness is probably what holds people back most from developing power in writing. Some of that fear is natural in the struggles to develop accepable self. But some of it results from teachers who care more about getting rid of badness than about looking for potential for excellence.”
Yes, writing is hard, and a lot of it is bad, and a lot of your teachers have highlighted your bad, but trust me, it’s so awesome to feel connected to all the messy and fabulous parts of humanity, and diving into the writing process does that! Writers make extraordinary meaning out of ordinary moments that lots of folks never even notice. You can’t let that opportunity slip through your fingers.
Writers - yes, you…I’m calling YOU a writer with “potential for excellence” - take a moment to remember a story you’d like to tell your beloveds. Imagine it on a page. Imagine them reading your words. Your story. Your legacy. They won’t care if it’s perfectly written. They will care that it was written.
And your life will be richer for having written.
