In late 2017, I entered an essay called “No More Standing Ovulations” in the Erma Bombeck Humor Writing Contest.  You can read the whole thing in all its hilarity HERE, but in a nutshell, it’s the 450-word saga of my last period with cramps so horrific that I passed out in the lobby of Disney Concert Hall and paramedics were called to the scene.  It was definitely one of those this will be so funny when you look back on it moments, and I made all sorts of clever parallels with what was happening to me in the lobby while Gustav Dudamel was simultaneously conducting an amazing concert.

I told friends and family, “I think I’m going to win the contest.  My essay is so funny!”

The main directive for writing under the influence of the great humorist Erma Bombeck is this:  

I did all three things.  In my mind, I was already planning my trip to Dayton, Ohio, for April's Erma Bombeck Writing Workshop where contest winners would be honored guests .  I had chills because I imagined myself reading the winning piece and making an entire audience of humor writers crack up. 

But, alas, I didn’t win.  I got a form rejection email, saying thanks for entering. 

I was mature about the loss.  I consoled myself with the following: it would have been such a hassle getting to Ohio with our family's crazy schedule. And, besides, judging writing is just so darn subjective, anyway, right?  I took the high road – I’m a winner just because I entered a contest.  I got my words out into the world. I took a risk.  As a writer, it’s my job to gather as many rejections as I can.  It only takes one yes, and someday, I’ll get that yes!

But, then, on March 23, 2018, I received this email from Debe Dockins – the Erma Bombeck Writing Competition Coordinator: 

Good afternoon, Lorraine --

Thanks, again, for entering the Erma Bombeck Writing Competition. I wanted to let you know that your essay made it to the final round of competition and received lots of comments:

·         Love the description. I felt like I was there. Great word play, as well.

 I thought this essay was excellent. I love the overlay with the philharmonic performance. And the little details, tripping over purses, the mustache, lying on the doormat. You made me feel for you, and laugh out loud at the same time. Great job!

 Final Judge Bonnie Jo Campbell: Cute title! Great energy and hilarity in this ambitious piece. Good work paralleling concert and bodily experience. Oh, how our bodies can get the best of us when we ignore them. The essay left me wondering about daughter – what did she think after this? Great job – keep on writing your experiences! 

Very well done! I hope you enter the contest again in 2020 (that seems so far off!). Keep writing!

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else … Erma Bombeck.

Debe Dockins | Community Outreach and Development Coordinator

My writer’s heart exploded.  Debe took time (that I’m sure she didn’t have) to gift me with gracious feedback. 

I immediately forwarded the email to my writing coach, Jennie Nash (who also has NO time!).  She told me, “This is the dream rejection. I mean seriously!!!!! Actual feedback!!! Now you can see that we are not kidding -- you are so super talented and your book is amazing and it's going to be awesome!!! I LOVE THIS!!!” 

What an amazing gift of generosity from two very busy ladies.  Honestly, I felt like I’d won. Let me tell you why.

Bonnie Jo Campbell’s comments were spot-on GOLD!  I guess there is a reason she’s an award-winning writer as well as a writing teacher at Pacific University.

First, this comment: The essay left me wondering about daughter – what did she think after this?

Oh. My. Gosh! This is THE issue I struggled with in this piece.  

What my 13-year old daughter, Anna, experienced was so NOT funny.  She was feet from me, cowering and crying, as I was in the fetal position on the ground. When the paramedics were trying to assess whether I was having a stroke or not, I kept reaching out to Anna, trying to calm her down.  “Sweetie, I’m fine.  I’m not having a stroke.”  This is even worse when I reveal that six months earlier my sweet girl had watched her beloved grandmother have a stroke from which Grandma Tom Tom perished.

And so I decided to leave that part out.  With only 450 words, there just wasn’t enough real estate to deal with that part of the story in an appropriate way. 

In my gut, I knew that was a fatal error because I wasn’t telling the whole story.  And readers are smart.  They feel it.  They know something isn’t quite right.

I am a writing teacher.  I tell kids to pay attention to their gut instincts when it comes to revision.  “Writers, you DO know what you need to revise.  Trust yourself.  You don’t always need to rely on a teacher.  Trust your gut.”

But, I ignored my own advice because all the other parts were so clever and funny and Ermaesque.  The moment Bonnie wondered what was going on with my daughter,  I lost her. That question pulled Bonnie out of my piece.  She had no choice but to move on to another essay  that gave her everything she needed as a reader.  Done.  Next piece.

The other thing I love about the feedback Bonnie gave me was her use of the word ambitious.  On the surface, I can read that as a nice compliment.  But, that Bonnie is so clever because she lured me into a learning opportunity. 

Really, I think ambitious is another way of saying this story is too big for 450 words.  Not a good choice for the guidelines of this contest.  That’s amazing feedback. 

Finally, the way Bonnie worded her feedback increased my energy to do better instead of shutting me down.  How? She was gracious and didn’t throw out commands.  She asked me a question (What about daughter?).  I retained ownership. I could choose to learn from it or not.  My opinion? If you get good feedback, learn from it.  Use whatever you can to teach yourself to be a better writer.

In this case, I should have chosen another story. Lesson learned.  Bravo!

Yes, I lost the contest, but because Bonnie Jo Campbell, Debe Dockins, and Jennie Nash took time to give me gracious feedback, I’m inspired to enter more contests.  I’m inspired to revise the memoir that's languishing in my desk drawer, screaming to be finished.  

So to all you struggling writers, carry on, and pray for the gift of dream rejections that make you feel like you won a contest anyway!

Always writing,

Lorrie

postscript:

On April 17th, 2018, Jennie Nash, of Author Accelerator, kept the revision conversation going with a post called The Revision Edit over on Medium.  It's so fun to see some of my words from this post appear in her post!